Intimacy

One of the biggest things I miss about a relationship is the intimacy.

And no, I don't necessarily mean the huggy-body, kissy-face type of intimacy, though being a male I do miss that. (Of course, being male I tend to miss than within five seconds of having had said physical intimacy...it's just the way we are).

While that part of the intimacy is part of it, it's only part of the intimacy I miss.

At the gym the other night, I looked over to see a guy holding the feet of a woman while she did sit-ups. It wasn't anything shocking and you'd never call it a public display of affection, but it was a sign. Because if I were to walk up to a woman and randomly hold her feet so she could do sit-ups, she'd get a restraining order.

Now, I'd never assume these two have a romantic relationship, but they might. It takes a whole lot of trust and vulnerability to let someone really close to you when you're sweaty, smelly and all around stinky from trying to burn off that extra Krispy-Kream you had this morning. But, in my mind, I sort of assumed they were together and I've got to admit--part of me was kind of jealous.

Because I miss that level of intimacy in a relationship. I miss having somoene who knows me and I know her so well that we can almost talk in our own sort of language. Where you don't have to offer the full backstory to something because she may already know it. Someone who you are completely comfortable being just yourself around and knowing they are completely comfortable being themselves around you. To have someone to talk to when you're worried, concerned or upset. To be the one person you want to tell first when something goes right in your life and to be the first one they call when something good happens for them.

To know that you can violate personal space at random times...be it for a hug, or to hold hands. To know someone so well that you know their scent--what perfume she wears, how her shampoo and conditioner smell. I may not always know what the exact scent or fragerence is called, but I know that it is part of her.

I miss all of those things. There are times I yearn for those things to the point that it almost hurts.

I want that kind of intimacy. And yet, it's not something you get overnight. It takes time. And that's why I keep trying to find someone I can connect with so that maybe sometime in the near or far future, we'll have that kind of intimacy.