Rules of Dating

A few years ago, there was a best-selling book called The Rules. It was a collection of rules that a woman was supposed to follow when it came to dating.

I never really read the book, so I guess I missed all those “rules.” Mayhaps this is why my dating life hasn’t been as successful as I’d like.

But when you think about it, we all have our own set of rules when it comes to dating. For example, all of us have a certain age range we’re willing to date within. In most cases, we tend to not date anyone who is significantly older or younger than we are. Things like whether or not she drinks, if she smokes and how often, does she want a family, does she already have kids, how much does she make and does how much I make matter? There are a whole myriad of things we have to screen in or out potential dates.

And that’s even before we get to the things that drove the comedic stylings of Seinfeld and Friends for years. (”Man hands” anyone?)

As I’ve thought about dating and getting back into the wonderful world of dating, I’ve sat back and thought about the rules I have for dating. It’s made me really think about the things that I hold as important to have when it comes to a long term relationship. For example, a few years ago I was seeing a woman who most definitely did not want to have children. She had no desire to and while I was happy that she had thought about this and was upfront enough about it to tell me early in our relationship, I still kept thinking this was something I could overlook. Because in so many other ways we had such comptability and a connection, that it just couldn’t be this one thing that would hold us back.

In the end, it did end up holding me back from really pursuing it and while I know deep down it was for the best, there are still times I wonder “what if”?

But that seems like a pretty good reason for something not to proceed. Unlike this other time when I was in college, when I pretty much rejected a woman because of a pretty Seinfeld reason. See, I met this girl and she was great in every way except..well, let’s just say she had very French ideas on grooming of body hair. OK, let’s be blunt here–the woman had as much hair on her legs as I did…and this really bugged me. But yet it wasn’t something I felt I could bring up to her. Thankfully she brought it up. I guess she noticed I was staring or something. She said that she didn’t like shaving her legs and she wasn’t going to be bound my society’s views of what feminine beauty was.

And so, being a guy, my mind started working. So, she doesn’t shave her legs, I think. What else is not being properly groomed I wonder and is that going to be a turnoff should the relationship progress to that stage?

I will say I never found out. The relationship never went much farther than just a date or two and hanging out.

That said, my friends all gave me a hard time about it. I could be rejecting the “love of my life” because she just had this one quirk.

To which I responded, “So would you date her?” and the reply, “No, but I’m not you.”

Now, those are two kind of extremes I guess in the application of the rules. But yet, I think we all have rules for dating and the person we hope or want to find. And I think there are some we can bend on and some we can’t. And the hardest part of dating (well, one of the hardest) is figuring out which rules are ones that should be followed all the time and which are the ones you’re just being nuerotic about or come from the wonder that is fear of commitment.